whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
