He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
