I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
