I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
