I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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