saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
