it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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