Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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