I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
