did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
