i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
