Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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