We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
