He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
