I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
