im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
