So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
