Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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