You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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