why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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