I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
