There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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