I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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