Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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