Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
