i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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