Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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