At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
