Apparently you make a good broom.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
