Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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