You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He passed out mid-signature
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
