you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
vagina is talking i cant
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
