Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
