Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
