im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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