everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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