I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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