my vag is so smooth its legendary
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have aggressive nipples.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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