put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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