Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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