you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
