Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
