There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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