Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
