Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
