I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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