So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His nipple licking is glorious
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