i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
