I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
