so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
