Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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