Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
